I haven’t posted anything since spring break. It was a rough spring break for my family, and I haven’t been able to get back into a writing groove since. Needless to say I did not do very well with my Camp NaNoWriMo challenge. And that will have to be OK for now.
I read someone’s post a few weeks back about feeling as if it isn’t fair to be grieving for someone that you weren’t particularly close to. I completely understood that sentiment. He wasn’t my husband, or my biological brother, or my son, or my best friend, or my father. I shouldn’t be partaking in the same level of grief. And I know I am certainly not experiencing the same type of pain and loss as other family members. But pain is pain and grief is grief. It is OK to feel it alongside everyone else. Pushing it to the side because you feel as if you aren’t allowed to feel your feelings is silly.
Since the loss of my beloved brother in law, I’ve been trying to be extra aware of the positive parts of every day events no matter how small. I’ve been trying as often as possible to #smilelikeeric. And believe me with only 5 weeks left in the school year that is not always easy.
Here’s one of the times I was able to #smilelikeeric within the last week:
I had a half day of school last Friday so I picked up my youngest son early from childcare and grabbed us some deliciousness from Jimmy Johns. When I pulled up to the window to pay, the girl who I handed my credit card to looked very familiar. After the window closed I said aloud to myself, “That really looks like Destiny.” When she opened the window again to hand me my food and credit card the girl said, “You might not remember me, but I’m Destiny.” I gushed and as freaky fast as I could told her of course I remember her and I literally just said I thought she looked like Destiny and how she was doing?
I was especially happy driving away from Jimmy Johns that day, not just because of the amazing smells emanating from the bag of food, but because just a few years ago there was a post that had been going around Facebook asking if anyone had seen Destiny. She had run away from home and could not be found. At the time she was in high school, and it had been at least a couple of years since she was in my 8th grade classroom. She was so giggly and bubbly and creative in 8th grade. She was the type of student who decided to create a play out of a topic she had researched instead of just simply making a poster like most students had. She was the student who jumped out of her car and almost tackled me into the snow giving me a huge hug when I was at a school event one evening. And here she was safe and sound and with that beautiful smile on her face. This was my reason on that day to #smilelikeeric.